Lost in the Parody of a Paradox
by Ghostphoenix P.G
Summary: I don't think I can say much about this besides this: What is up with that curvy branch. Rated T for Irony Warning: content may not be suitable for children under the ages of 20 and older. Thank You


A/N: The only reason I wrote this was because this was "Written for the Kelviniana forum Summer's Up challenge."

Sonic woke up with a start and shook his head to clear his mind.

"Man that was one of the weirdest dreams I have ever had in my life." Sonic said standing up. "I wonder where Tails is a-" his voice trails off as he finally gets a good look at his surroundings. "Uh, where the heck am I?" Sonic asked looking at the pine trees surrounding him.

"I don't recall stopping here for the night...in fact...I don't remember anything at all!" Sonic said looking around and noticed an odd curved branch that looked very out of place, but he ignored it and blurred away in a random direction. "How did I get here?" Sonic kept asking himself the question over and over again until he stopped where he was at and looked around at his surroundings.

"Okay let's see I've gone probably about 700 miles from where I started and I see no buildings and-Hey it's that branch again!" Sonic stated shocked at the sight of the strange branch again.

Sonic picked up a rock and threw it at the branch, hitting dead center but only getting a breeze in response. "Hmm, mental note curvy branches are creepy." And with that mental note stapled into his brain he sped away again in a random direction. However 15 minutes later- "What is with this creepy branch!" Sonic said curling himself into a sonic spin ball and used his sonic wave to sever the branch clean off the tree.

Sonic sighed in relief, "There now...since that branch is out of the way maybe now I can run around in circles in peace." He said running again in a random direction. However, to his utmost surprise and absolute horror he saw once again his most hated arch-nemesis...the curvy branch.

"All right I've had enough of this, it's one thing being lost in the woods with no idea of how you got there, but it's a whole new matter when the forest starts taunting the hell out of you!" Sonic shrieked in fury all the while attacking the branch until it was nothing but splinters.

"OW! I got a bucking splinter...what the bell! Now I'm being censored!? How is this possible?" Sonic had no sooner asked this question, when suddenly his thoughts started appearing in subtitles in front of his face. "Okay now this has gone far enough...Tails get the cluck off my brain now! I know dam well you are the one behind this...Tails this is not funny...Tails?!" Sonic said glaring into the sky.

Sonic glared into the sky for over an hour until his eyes met the sun and he smothered his face in a pool of water... well, a pool of something water like that is. "Oh h-h-hey there C-C-Chaos l-l-lovely weather were having today huh?" Sonic managed to stutter out before a gel fist smashed Sonic into three pine trees and a strange small blue thing.

"OW That hurt!" The little blue thing said, but Sonic couldn't care less for the thing...all he wanted to do was go home and eat chili dogs. "Got'ta juice little blue guy, tell Chaos I said-" Sonic darted away before finishing his sentence.

The little blue guy frowned "Sigh, no one listens or needs me anymore...I might as well go on vacation" He stated starting up his helicopter propeller and flew away into the sunset. Meanwhile...

"GAH! You stupid branch how in Chaos's underwear are you still alive!?" Sonic stated staring at the branch, he knew someone was behind this, and if it was Tails all along...he was going to give Tails the biggest Chaos wedgie allowed. He would do it so well it would make world history. Well, in his mind at least.

Sonic leaned against the tree thinking of all the possible ways he could give Tails a wedgie when the tree tipped over and the tree plummeted to the ground.

"Okay just know that I didn't do that." Sonic stated with his hands up in a show of saying 'I didn't do that and don't blame me even if I did.'

_**Snap!**_

Sonic dove into a bush and collided face first into something pink which shrieked in response. "Ah get off of me!" Sonic blinked and then was slapped in the face with a hammer. "Aaaaaaah Team Rocket is blasting off agaaaaaaain!" Sonic cried while flying into the sky and disappearing into a speck of light.

Moments later..._**THUD CRACK WIGGLE BAM!**_

Sonic opened his eyes and looked around him...he saw the curvy branch again. "Okay I'm officially freaked out now." Sonic said staring at the branch with intense interest instead of hatred. "I wonder if..." Sonic pulled the branch down like a lever and a portal opened underneath him. "All right just like the movies." Sonic said falling into the portal and landing into a glass chamber. "Okay so now I finally know what idiot did this to me."

"BWHAHAHAHA yes, Sonic it is I Dr.-"

"Egghead yeah I know...but what really confuses me is how did you finally get me?" Sonic asked poking the glass.

"Bwhaha it was simple really, I simply spiked your chili dogs with a special sleeping formula I concocted called ECTY."

Sonic thought it over and chuckled, "You gave me an illegal street drug. Man you're so low you can't even use your own drugs."

Eggman's face became bright red. "Gah you stupid hedgehog don't you realize that your life is mine now!"

Sonic chuckled, "No, because for starters I've been stalling you all this time and that reason would be to say this one thing...your fly is down."

Eggman looked down at his zipper and was hit in the head with a frying pan. "Hey Sonic." Knuckles said with a grin.

Sonic smiled, "Hey Knuckles...um why exactly do you have a frying pan?"

Knuckles looked at the frying pan and looked at Sonic in confusion, "Sonic, I've been a professional chef all my life you know that already."

Sonic shook his head, "Whatever just get me out of here."

Knuckles malevolently smiled, "Open Sesame!" Knuckles raised his pan and stopped half-way. "How about we do this instead." Knuckles poked the glass and it shattered into millions of pieces.

Sonic shrugged his shoulders, "I've seen everything now. Okay now how do we get out of here?"

Knuckles pointed to a door that had a big red exit sign above it.

"Okay...well...I'm out of this nightmare." Sonic leapt through the door and landed on the ground crotch first.

"AH! Son of a glitch that hurts!" Sonic rolled around in pain swearing as each wave of pain consumed his lower body. In one of these bouts he managed to glance into the sky and saw the curvy branch again, but this time Amy was sitting on the branch with a frightened expression across her face. "Sonic are you okay?"

Sonic growled, "I'm just fine...what are you doing up there?"

"Well I've been watching land here multiple times staring at this cute curvy branch." Amy said swinging on the branch and then decided to let go, with her hands raised to slam a huge hammer into his face.

Sonic shuttered "No, NO, NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Sonic leapt off his bed in a cold sweat while frantically screaming the word 'NO' so loud that knuckles jumped in fright and accidently spilled his hot oatmeal all over Sonic's face.

"GAH! Hot happy fish pink pizza dip love FISH!" Sonic screeched bolting out of the room and into the swimming pool.

Tails came in and looked at Knuckles. "Uh Knuckles what's wrong with Sonic?"

Knuckles shrugged, "Beats me, but I overheard Sonic say something about a curvy branch in his sleep."

"I hate life and I really hate branches!" Sonic cried scrambling out of pool.

Tails eyes lit up "Oh you mean this curvy branch?" Tails said lifting up the curvy branch.

Sonic looked up at Tails and wailed, "Why!? WHY!? WHYYYYYYYY!"

Tails chuckled, "I hope Amy doesn't get a hold of this."

Knuckles, Tails, and even Shadow laughed hysterically at the idea.

A/N: Make a mental note...destroy curvy branches.


End file.
